


Please Don't Leave

by galranprince (boyspider)



Category: Game Grumps, Polygrumps - Fandom
Genre: Angst, M/M, Panic Attacks, brief mentions of arin hanson, self doubt, vent - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-10-06
Updated: 2016-10-06
Packaged: 2018-08-19 20:01:55
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 525
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8223104
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/boyspider/pseuds/galranprince
Summary: He finds himself thinking that having this fear is stupid- Arin loves him. He loves him he must he’s promised it so many times he must because Arin doesn’t lie. But Dan’s brain does.





	

He’s sitting in his room, back against his bed frame as he leans back. His long arms hug his knees, head tilted back and eyes shut. He’s the perfect picture of serene- at least, on the outside.

His heart feels funny in his chest, beating too fast or too slow, he doesn’t quite know. It feels like someone has stolen his breath, his words, and he shakes slightly as he tries to calm the turmoil crashing in his own thoughts. A panic attack, just not the ‘crying, shaking, rocking back and forth and looks like a wreck’ type of panic.

 _He’ll leave you_ , his thoughts whisper.

 _Unneeded, unwanted, a nuisance_ , his subconscious chants.

 _He doesn’t need you or love you so leave before he does_ , he thinks to himself idly.

Dan's been playing the same song for close to two hours to combat the barrage of negativity supplied by his own brain, but it’s only starting to serve as background noise as he unconsciously attacks himself with harsh words and lies.

He turns his head, nails digging to his forearms where his arms are wrapped around his legs, teeth digging into his lip as he fights to stop even more tears. And then the floodwaters open and tears slip freely down his cheeks, shoulders shaking and lip quivering as he does his best not to sob.

He finds himself thinking that having this fear is stupid- Arin loves him. He loves him he must he’s promised it so many times he _must_ because Arin doesn’t lie. 

But Dan’s brain does.

_Arin hates me he says he loves me out of pity he promises to always be with me so he doesn’t hurt my feelings he doesn’t want to be the guy who drops his boyfriend after so long he doesn’t want to seem like an asshole. He’ll leave._

The thoughts grow as loud as thunder in his head and he lets out a weak sob, the drop of the song fitting uncannily well as he curls in on himself and rocks back and forth slowly. His body quakes with the force of his crying now, trying to convince himself on some level that he should call Arin and tell him he loves him (or tell him goodbye) because maybe if he does Arin will realize he needs to just drop Dan (or Dan can leave first to save himself the heartache). 

It feels like hours go by before the crying stops, the song still looping and nearing it’s ending. The gentle guitar lulls him into a sense of security, feeling safe wrapped in his own arms and feeling content knowing that for now nothing has happened. Arin says he loves him, and though he means it Dan will always have his apprehensions and fears. It’s just who he is. 

Now, lying in his bed with his phone still chiming the song over and over again, he drifts of with drying tears on his cheeks and his mind no longer filled with clutter, but with the gentle guitar strums of the song he’s used to drown out himself and the singer's gentle voice through the speaker.

**Author's Note:**

> so yeah, a vent fic. if you want to know what song dan is listening to, it’s Bruno is Orange by Hop Along. ive been listening to it for somewhere over three hours now.
> 
> this fic focuses on dan and delves into egobang, its really sloppy and short but i had to write it
> 
> follow my tumblr at;; moss-likes-stuff !


End file.
